am i alone?? somehow, i feel like it... especially when i am at school, i feel like i belong to nowhere.. acchi mo kocchi mo, nanka samishii kimochi ga arimasu.. then i suddenly felt, that, for all this life, i had been cooperating with other people just to make sure that they make friends with me. kekkyoku, hitoribocchi ni narimashita.. actually, i realized everything after PMR.. i noticed that they are aparting from me.. i noticed that they didn't even want to talk to me.. watashi wa kizuita desu.. demo, watashi wa kakushita.. i kept all this in my heart.. honto no jibun ga naritai no!!! i want to be MYSELF.. i want to be the real KIN-chan.. i want to be the real Sooi Sheng Ping.. but i couldn't.. i am afraid.. i am afraid that they will all leave me.. i am afraid that one day, my best friend, Anqi will leave me.. why do people always judge people by their appearances? i want to be pretty too! i want to be cute too! i want to be slim too! i want to perform too!! but the people at school only sees me as a DOLL!! a MACHINE!! they ask me to do this and that, and i did everything for them.. i didn't get anything!! when one day you tell them "NO" they will straight away dump you and throw you away likes a useless doll or machine and then spread rumors about you... i hate that but i couldn't do anything about it easy to say, i am GUTLESS.. i am afraid of loneliness.. i want people to notice me, i want people to care about me.. but, at the end i found out that all the things i have done, are all TRASH... when will i be my true self?? watashi wa dekiru desuka?
