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Monday, December 14, 2009

am i alone??
somehow, i feel like it...
especially when i am at school, i feel like i belong to nowhere..
acchi mo kocchi mo, nanka samishii kimochi ga arimasu..
then  i suddenly felt, that, for all this life, i had been cooperating with other people just to make sure that they make friends with me.
kekkyoku, hitoribocchi ni narimashita..
actually, i realized everything after PMR..
i noticed that they are aparting from me..
i noticed that they didn't even want to talk to me..
watashi wa kizuita desu..
demo, watashi wa kakushita..
i kept all this in my heart..
honto no jibun ga naritai no!!!
i want to be MYSELF..
i want to be the real KIN-chan..
i want to be the real Sooi Sheng Ping..
but i couldn't..
i am afraid..
i am afraid that they will all leave me..
i am afraid that one day, my best friend, Anqi will leave me..
why do people always judge people by their appearances?
i want to be pretty too!
i want to be cute too!
i want to be slim too!
i want to perform too!!
but the people at school only sees me as a DOLL!! a MACHINE!!
they ask me to do this and that, and i did everything for them..
i didn't get anything!!
when one day you tell them "NO"
they will straight away dump you and throw you away likes a useless doll or machine
and then spread rumors about you...
i hate that
but i couldn't do anything about it 
easy to say, i am GUTLESS..
i am afraid of loneliness..
i want people to notice me, i want people to care about me..
but, at the end i found out that all the things i have done, are all TRASH...
when will i be my true self??
watashi wa dekiru desuka?

Smile always | 03:31